time

Can you believe it is already the last day of March? And what a historic month it was - it did not snow a flake all month!! The last time it didn't snow during March in the Twin Cities was 1876! And, March is the second snowiest month in our state! But, after the winter we had I am so glad that spring is officially here. So much so that I pulled out the calendar to see how we might be able to occupy ourselves while we wait for our big trip to bring Leo home. As I started marking all the activities we already have planned for the next few months, I was quite surprised how few “free” weekends we have.

Paint Leo’s room

Easter celebrations

Sue’s half marathon

Damon’s golf tournament

Annual Plant Sale Mother’s Day weekend

A wedding to attend

Children’s theater performances to enjoy [The Biggest Little House in the Forrest & Click Clack Moo]

Trips to the cottage

And that’s just the weekends!! We also plan on cheering on the Twins & Tigers at the new Target Field on May 3^rd. (I am sure that will be the first of a few Twins games we’ll see this baseball season thanks to the Twins moving out of the Dome.) Going to some “Books & Cooks” classes with Drew. Seeing how Drew does in his first soccer sessions. And, Damon and I are ready to enjoy at least two concerts over the next few months (BNL & U2!!). I am so happy that it is finally spring and we can get out and play, explore, and work in the yard. Plus, as a HUGE bonus, my Friends' School Plant Sale catalog arrived in my mailbox today and I cannot wait to figure out what's my "must have plants" of the year are going to be!

It’s going to be a special and exciting summer. And I am going to cherish every moment of it ~ Drew is way too quickly approaching four (where did the time go!) and we will soon be a family of four ~ and I want to make sure we still focus on the three of us while we prepare to bring Leo home to our fun, loving, and adventurous family.

Until next time…what fun to you have in store this spring & summer?

firsts

Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day are wonderful holidays, but on those days this year I didn’t spend anytime really thinking that we were missing out on Leo’s “First of” those. However, as Sunday quickly approaches, it’s starting to sink in that we will not be celebrating Leo’s First Easter with him. I don’t even know if he will be celebrating Easter at all since we have no idea if his Foster Family is Christian.

It’s more than just missing out on professional pictures taken (like the ones we had taken for Drew’s first Easter with a live bunny), getting plastic eggs full of yummy Cheerio treats, and getting to discover the Easter Bunny and basket of goodies he leaves; Leo is missing out on a joyous religious holiday with us. Easter is a holiday that is pivotal to the Faith that brought Leo to us and it just does not feel right to not be able to celebrate it together.

When we were in church on Palm Sunday I realized that I have no idea if Leo has been baptized yet. I assume he hasn’t been. Or, that if he has, we will never know or be given record of it. I then began to wonder when we will be able have him baptized in our church – will we have to wait until Leo is legally ours?! That could mean he’ll be close to two before we are able to do so. I think I should probably look into the issue…it’ll give me something to do to feel productive while the wait continues.

This holiday is also a reminder that we’ve already missed his First Halloween, his First Thanksgiving, and his First Christmas. When we were celebrating those holidays last year we were in the early stages of this whole adoption process and thought our child had yet to be born. It never crossed our mind that we were missing out on some big FIRSTS. And, sure, we’ll have our First Fill-In-The-Blank-Holiday-Together with Leo. But, I just wish we would have set a place for him at the table for Thanksgiving and hung a stocking for him at Christmas just like we do for everyone else in the family. While I can’t change the past, I can make sure that whatever the Easter Bunny brings Leo on Sunday sits tight in his room until he comes home.

And, maybe…just maybe…the Easter Bunny is delivering a special gallon-sized care package to Leo this week.

Wouldn’t that be sweeter than the tastiest chocolate bunny in anyone’s basket!?!?

hidden treasure

There was a little hidden treasure in the recently passed Health Care Reform Act!
Here's a reason to LOVE the new law:

The legislation included the extension of the Adoption Tax Credit (originally scheduled to expire this year) through Dec. 21, 2011. In addition to the extension, the credit increased from a max of $12,150 to $13,170 for adoption related expenses. Plus, the Adoption Tax Credit is now refundable, meaning a family will recieve the credit even if they have little or no tax liability.

This is wonderful news for all those still in the adoption process!!!!!!

what not to say

Whether intentional or not, people sure can say the most inconsiderate things when it comes to adoption. While the comments certainly get under our skin and drive us crazy, the level to which they do often depends on the relationship we have with the one making the insensitive comment. The closer the person is to us, the more I think they should really understand and sympathize with the process of adoption and how we are feeling. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

But, what drives me even more insane is the way I freeze and politely smile without responding because I think “they just don’t know any better”. This is just so wrong on so many levels! My fear is that if I do respond, I will be so blunt, rude and (ironically) insensitive that the point I am trying to make will be lost on the person I am directing it to. So, I do nothing. I need to get over this fear…and quickly. I feel like I need an arsenal of answers prepped and ready for action.

So what are people saying?

Here are some sample scenarios.

How would you react? What would you say?

Please, help me build my set of standard responses.

When telling someone we are adopting…they go on and on about someone they know that adopted a child years ago and how TERRIBLE it was. Really? Really?! I just told you we are adopting a baby boy from Korea. Done deal. He is my son. What’s the point of you telling me this? To change my mind? Not going to happen. To scare me? Adoption is kinda a scary and uncertain process as it is; I don’t need more negativity. If you don’t have anything nice or positive to say, please just don’t say anything.

When talking about their own child, grandchild, niece/nephew, friend, cousin (whom just happens to be around the same age as Leo), people go on and on about what that child is doing and all the milestones that happen the first year. Sure, we want to hear about the excitement and proud moments in that child's life. And...ummm...we are also aware that our son is learning to roll over, eat solids, laugh, develop a personality, crawl and walk all in the first year without being able to witness it all. And, you too should realize that you are missing out on seeing Leo do all those things! And care. And, therefore, not make comments like “months four to seven are the most fun because babies are growing so much and becoming so much more aware”! Thanks. Thanks for pouring salt in the wound.

All adoptions are different. Some adoptive parents get lots and lots of info and pictures about their child at referral. Others don’t get much. There should be a code of ethics among adoptive parents to only share the bare minimum and not go on and on about all the info, pictures, and updates you have. Especially when you know that the adoptive parent that you are talking to does not have lots and lots of info, pictures and updates. Not that I am not happy for you and your child, I really am. But please put yourself in my shoes for just a moment. The roles easily could have been reversed.

All babies are born - even those that are adopted. It is difficult to hear things like “some babies are born by vaginal delivery, some babies are born by cesarean section, and some babies are adopted”. This implies that adoptees were just magically created and placed here on earth. They weren’t. They were born just like everyone else. Adoptees have birthmothers that cared for them for nine months while pregnant, delivered them, and then unselfishly relinquished them in hopes of a better life for their child. My children will always know about Leo’s birthmother. I believe that everyone’s biological children should also know that adoptees are born and then adopted. Can you picture that discussion on the playground? Some kid telling Leo he wasn’t born – just adopted!?!? I pray Damon and I can build our “bucket of good answers” in time to share them with Drew and Leo so they too are prepared when the time comes.

Those were just a few of the more recent comments (and my inaction to them) that have been driving me crazy and keeping me up at night. Please do not let my frustration frighten you to think you have to walk on eggshells around me or make you think “oh my goodness, what have I said that pissed her off?” The vast majority of our family and friends, casual acquaintances and strangers are supportive, engaged, and more than enthusiastic. And, I love each and every one of you for that. Your comments and support are always what helps me fall back asleep when my mind wanders and I get all worked up in the middle of the night. I am forever grateful to all of you.

Until next time…please think compassion.

red box

In Drew’s room…on his book shelf…sits a red box. On the top of this special red box is a picture of Leo. This red box collects nightly notes from Drew to his little brother. Every night – without fail – Drew remembers that he needs to write a note to Leo (and let me tell you, he will remind us if we forget!). So far, the notes are namely about all the things Drew wants to do with his brother:

“I want to go to a hockey game with you Leo.”

“I want to go to the bookstore with you Leo.”

"I want to play everything with you Leo."

Each note is personally signed by Drew. And, as the days go on, Drew has been insisting on writing more and more of the note himself. Especially Leo’s name and the date. There are currently 16 notes in the red box. And, without any clue as to when we will travel to Seoul to bring Leo home, we have absolutely no idea how many notes are going to end up being placed into this red box. Somehow, I don’t think Drew is going to get sick of this daily activity. He is just too happy, excited, and proud to finally have a little brother.

I am not sure if this is Drew’s red box. Or if this is Leo’s red box. Maybe it’s simply the Brother Box – a red box that is going to collect their countless thoughts and memories over the years.

If so, nothing could make me more happy, excited or proud!

sending love to seoul

A gallon-size bag was stuffed this morning with love & all this:

• a lovely little lion blanket (i am going to miss sleeping with that!)
• two fun little water toys (we've been told Leo loves bath time)
• two disposable cameras (not nearly enough to capture 6 more months of milestones)
• a very cool wooden toy (hope he likes it!)
• a picture book (think he'll like looking at us as much as we like looking at him?!)

Damon took the care package to the agency today...we have no idea when another family will be able to take it with them when they travel to bring home their child. Fingers are crossed that it gets there very soon!

Until next time...think about sending someone you love an unexpected little gift; they'd love it!

wait

So far, things have been moving so smoothly and effortlessly in our adoption journey. So much so that, so far, “waiting” seems like a foreign concept to me. We’ve been progressing through the process and hitting milestones in a manner that has seemed almost effortless; timely and productive. Because of this, over the past seven months, I’ve been instilled with a sense that we are in control. I fear that I am in for a very rude awaking during the next phase of the wait.

We did get some great news this week: our I-600 was approved in ten business days! This approval marks the last milestone from the U.S. government. Hooray! As far as the U.S. government is concerned, Leo is clear to get his Visa from the Embassy in Seoul and come home. I like to believe that my email to Senator Klobuchar had something to do with this quick approval…but I know for a fact it did not since I was finally contacted by her office via email this week requesting I fill out a Privacy Act Release form in order for them to contact the related federal agency on our behalf. Maybe I should just delete that email and pretend I never received it so I can continue believe my email made a difference. Yeah, I think that’s what I will do – it makes a better story. J

Unfortunately, this week we also learned that our agency has adjusted the expected wait time to travel based on recent trends with the Korean government. We should expect to wait 5 to 8 months from February 8^th…and since we are with Eastern, we should really expect to wait 7 to 8 months. That puts us in September or October. Well past Leo’s first birthday. How on earth are we going to stand waiting that long to bring Leo home?! Why on earth does the process take so long in Korea?

In the grand scheme of things I really do understand how fortunate we are. We only waited an unheard of month and a half to receive our referral. We could easily still be waiting. I feel like we don’t really have a “right” to complain about this part of the process. But, I also feel like we haven’t had much time to “practice waiting”. The blessing of being connected to our son so much earlier than expected has only given me a tiny bit more strength and patience to get through this long period of waiting. And that extra bit had better not expire too soon. I just want Leo home.

I try so hard to focus on positive things. He is in a loving environment being cared for by a woman I will never ever be able to properly thank. She is loving him, looking after him, and helping him grow and develop 24-hours a day. And while that is so wonderful and comforting…I fear that the longer she takes care of him, the harder it will be for him to leave her. How could it not be. How can it not be a sad day despite the fact that he is finally in our arms ready to come home with us...Leo will be leaving the woman who has taken care of him for over a year. It will be such a sad and happy day. But, somehow we will all handle it with grace. I have a feeling Leo will especially do so because he is already so strong and so courageous in my eyes. Leo has done it again…inspiring me and giving me more gifts than I ever could have dreamed of receiving through this process – more grace, strength, and courage to keep me going until the day we bring him home.

Until next time…I’ll keep my fingers crossed for five months, not seven or eight!

meet our son...again!

In honor of our son turning 7 months today, we would like to re-introduce you to

Leo Aaron Krekelberg

Why Leo Aaron?

I really think he " just looks like a Leo"! Plus, he is a Leo...just like Damon and Drew. (got to love August birthdays!) I just love the fact that the three of them will be forever connected to each other in that way.

Since Leo isn't an overly popular name with kids these days, we also believe the name will provide our son the opportunity to "pave his own way" without the impressions and stereotypes that often get associated with names. He is his own unique & special individual ~ his personality and temperament will be all he will need to guide and mold who he is and wants to become.

Leo is a saint...Leo the Great...speaks for itself.

For the middle name, it was important to us that we pass on a family name, just as we did with Drew. Hence Aaron, after for Damon's late grandfather whom he never met.

What about "Leo the Lion"?!?

I think lions are extremely strong and courageous...and that's exactly what our little dude is! Could there be a more perfect name? I really do not think so!

Leo the Lion is always up in the sky (thanks smartphone app for making this constellation so easy to find, another sign this was totally the right name). We can look up and always see him - now and forever...just like his birth mom & foster mom/family will be able to.

What about his Korean name?

We know it. We love it. We will incorporate it into his official name. And, we will let Leo decide whether or not to use it as he grows up.

Until next time...take a look up in the sky and find Leo tonight!

chopsticks

GREAT JOB!!!

nine

Time sure does fly…it has been nine days since I last posted!! I feel terrible that I haven’t been keeping up. I could use the excuse that nothing really happens while we’re waiting for the all important Travel Call, but that just would not be true. So…to catch up on the past nine days, here are nine things we’ve been doing or thinking about.

1. Birthdays: We celebrated two big birthdays last week!! My sister-in-law turned the big 4-0!! And, my mom turned sixty!
2. Running: For those that don’t know, I registered for another half marathon. April 24^th is race day. That is only 8 weeks away and I have been doing a terrible job training! The name of the race is “Get In Gear”…and I totally need to get my you-know-what in gear if I am going to be able to break two hours (let alone finish the race)! I do have excuses – my bronchitis lasted longer than I expected; running outside is too cold and inconvenient where I live (country roads aren't exactly safe to run on with all the snow and ice we still have); and I seriously consider running over 4 miles on the treadmill complete torture. But, I have been running a bit more…just not enough. I need to get motivated…hopefully this week of 40 degree weather will kick me into gear.
3. Wine Club: Last Wednesday was inaugural meeting of our neighborhood/street Wine Club. An evening just for the ladies to put our senses to the test and enjoy some delicious wine and good conversation. We tried four different Riesling wines and unanimously chose a favorite. It was a great evening and I am so looking forward to next month (and even better, we’ll be meeting on a Friday)!
4. USCIS change: Part of the last nine days was consumed with finding out and verifying that there is a little hiccup going on for all adoptive parents working with Eastern Social Welfare Society in Seoul to get their I-600 approvals (that’s the US government approval we are currently waiting on – think Visa for K2). Yep, that would include us. Basically, there is a legal document (one of many) submitted by Eastern that does not list the “prospective adoptive parents’ names” on it. Eastern has been filing out this same document the same way for years. However, USCIS/Homeland Security suddenly requires that names be on this document for I-600 approval. This change was made without communication to any adoption agencies in the country and was applied retroactively to all cases pending prior to the date of the change. We were told by our agency that “agencies across the country are working together with Eastern & USCIS to resolve this issue”. At this point, we have no idea how this will affect our wait time. In the meantime, I sent a nice little email to Senator Amy Klobuchar and her staff – thinking she'll get right on top of this issue because of her recent public push to "streamline the often-thorny bureaucratic process of international adoptions by American families". This sudden USCIS change certainly highlights the thorny bureaucratic process to me! [and, no reply yet from Sen. Klobuchar…surprise, surprise!]
5. Paint color and fabric: We have chosen a color for K2’s room – Gull. As in, seagull grey. Drew was very excited to go with me to get the paint and supplies…self-proclaiming himself a “great big brother” because he was helping get K2’s room ready. Drew was also quite enthusiastic to accompany me to the craft/fabric store to find fabric and supplies to decorate K2’s room. Drew insisted that the colors of the fabric that we chose match his room. Why? “Because we HAVE to match to be best friends!” So, we found some fabric that both compliments and matches the dark brown and red in Drew’s room. The chosen fabric has a dark blue background with gumball size circles (autumn orange, dark red, yellow, olive green, tan, dark brown, off white). The plan is to make “pictures” out of them and then decorate using the colors of the circles. Hopefully my vision for the room materializes as envisioned!
6. Korean food and chopsticks: Saturday evening we ventured out with Drew to King’s for dinner. Aside from Damon and my (successful) attempt at making japache at home, this was Drew’s first Korean dining experience. Drew ordered his own meal – "Bee-bim Bop" – which he knew from a children's book we’d gotten for him after we knew we were adopting from Korea. He had fun mixing up and eating all the rice, meat and veggies that came in the bowl. He also really liked the sides that came with our meals – especially the seaweed and tofu like dish (“tempeh”?!). Who knew!! It was a great meal enjoyed by all of us! Afterwards we went to the nearby Korean market and picked up some dessert, sweet potato noodles (to make more japache at home), and two pairs of kids “Porono the Little Penguin” training chopsticks. Drew used his the next morning for breakfast and did a fine job picking up and eating some apple!!
7. “While You Wait” Packet: We finally received our “While You Wait to Travel” packet from our agency. The packet included information on everything that happens once we receive our Travel Call (traveling, finalizing the adoption, etc.), a map of Seoul and South Korea, and practical travel information (etiquette, customs, food, etc.). No doubt we have been and will be reading all this information over and over.
8. Care Package: We are putting together a gallon-size bag care package for K2! Aside from a soft photo book with pictures of the three of us and a disposable camera or two, I am really struggling with what to put in the bag. We are encouraged to put in a “transition” item like a blanket…if only I could find “the right one” that fits in a gallon size bag! Any other suggestions? Care Packages travel with other adoptive families traveling to pick up their child – there have not been many Travel Calls lately, so hopefully these calls pick up so our Care Package gets to make the trip before we actually do.
9. Test driving “The Name”: We have moved on from “test driving names” to “test driving a name”. We believe we’ve got it, just waiting to be sure and make the big announcement (Drew used the name oh so nonchalantly while on a video call with my mom…to which my mom asked if Drew just spilled the beans. Yeah, I think he did!!)

Until next time…enjoy the early signs for spring!

(and, it appears I can no longer upload pictures to my computer...not good...'cuz i have some good ones of the Drew-man using his chopsticks!