I should really know by now that the script of my life really isn't entirely my own. The last forty-one plus years have given me lots of experiences – joys, sorrows, challenges, triumphs, surprises, and intangible gifts.
As good as my life has been, it hasn’t exactly gone as I would have written it. I never was an Olympic gymnast or chemist or park ranger or big-wig hospital administrator. I don’t live in the city or drive an old classic brown Porsche. I've done things I never imagined I would like become a certified lifeguard (?!?), backpack through Europe with strangers, travel to nearly all 50 states, permanently scar my leg with skateboarding, surfing and cooking with boiling water experiences, and I live in a place colder and snowier than where I grew up in Michigan (?!?).
While, I didn’t move to Minnesota to fall in love…that’s exactly what happened. We got married. And then…I never expected it to take years to get pregnant with Drew (he was well worth the wait). Nor in a million years would l ever have thought I would be the mother of an amazing Korean adoptee (my life without Leo is now unimaginable). To say I was surprised (shocked) to be pregnant at 41 (with a girl!) is nothing short of an understatement. But, that’s how my motherhood script has played out. Not how I would have written it, but so far it’s been way better than anything I could have written myself. It now appears, however, that just when I had gotten this latest motherhood script down, there’s been some edits…and a revision has been handed to me.
In two short weeks we will be adding a little girl to our family…All Accounted Four becomes All Accounted Four (with a little extra). This little girl will undoubtedly rock our world.
About half way through this pregnancy we started to learn a lot about our baby. We learned our baby was a She and not a He. We learned she has two congenital heart defects; most likely requiring two surgeries - one for sure, that will require open heart surgery. We learned she has an extra chromosome - she has screened positive for Down syndrome (Ds). We decided she needed a name sooner rather than later...so we named her Zoe. We have learned that she’ll be taken care of by an incredible team of doctors and nurses in the NICU right after she is born. And, we just know this this girl of ours is definitely going to rock our world while she rocks her extra chromosome!
We’ve come a long way since getting Zoe's diagnoses (it hasn’t always been easy, but it does get easier each and every day). The research we’ve done and support groups we are now a part of have been invaluable. We take so much comfort in knowing that babies with Ds actually have better heart surgery results than babies without Ds; that each person with Down syndrome is a unique individual…that Zoe will look more like us than she will others with Ds; that Zoe still got our genes – our determination, good looks, humor, moxie, athleticism, curiosity, and more; and that recent advances in medicine, education, and acceptance have greatly improved the lives of people with Down syndrome. And, most importantly, we take comfort in knowing that our daughter is going to live a rich and rewarding life, and will undoubtedly enrich ours as well.
If there is one thing in particular that has kept me going through this pregnancy, it’s a dream I had shortly after we received Zoe’s diagnoses. And, maybe it wasn’t so much a vivid dream…but a wake-up call from Bob Marley. Three Little Birds played over and over in my head while I slept...until I finally woke up. Once awake, I realized that the words of that song weren’t coming from the radio alarm clock but from some really important (heavenly) place; those lyrics were truly meant for me to hear and remember. Words for me and my perfectly scripted family of five to take to heart from that day forward. My three little birds…Drew, Leo and Zoe…each so unique and amazing, assuring me that every little thing is gonna be all right.
Rise up this mornin',
Smile with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou: ")
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou: ")
Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
"Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right! "
"Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right! "
We know God blessed us with an amazing gift (a miracle, really). It’s quite obvious to us that Zoe is meant to be a part of our family. And, since finding out that Zoe will have Down syndrome (and it’s complications), we honestly still believe she is a gift – just one that we didn’t fully anticipate and have yet to fully understand. I have felt so incredibly blessed to be carrying her inside me for all these months and we feel great pride and joy when we see her flipping all over on the ultrasounds and when we feel her arms and legs movin’ and groovin’ in my belly. Zoe is a truly a blessing to us, and we hope to be a blessing to her.
We are beyond excited to finally hold Zoe and introduce her to all of you!
Zoe means LIFE...and it is without a doubt the perfect name for her. We know she will live her life with moxie to its fullest potential, while reminding me and her dad and her brothers and everyone that she meets what is truly important in this life of ours: Patience. Kindness. Faith. Perseverance. Love.
These are the perfect elements to a beautiful life script.
These are the perfect elements to a beautiful life script.
*Your Script
You may be sitting there now thinking “Great…what the heck do we say to them now and once Zoe is born?!?” Easy. The same things you would say before you knew of Zoe’s diagnoses. We want to hear congratulations. We want to hear how adorable, chubby, small, big, hairy, whatever she is. We want you to know that we are not looking for your sympathy, false hopes & promises, or pity. We want you to ask how she’s doing. We want you to ask how we are doing. We’d love to hear your specific ideas on how you’d like to help us manage three kids at the start of the school year when Zoe may very well still be in the hospital. We want you to know that we are letting our boys get to know and love their little sister before they get to know about her Ds diagnosis and potential life challenges. We want you to know that you don’t need to be afraid to ask us questions. And, we want you to know that as we adjust to our new normal – with good days and bad days, just like everyone else – your patience, kindness, faith, friendship and love is really what we need now.
You may be sitting there now thinking “Great…what the heck do we say to them now and once Zoe is born?!?” Easy. The same things you would say before you knew of Zoe’s diagnoses. We want to hear congratulations. We want to hear how adorable, chubby, small, big, hairy, whatever she is. We want you to know that we are not looking for your sympathy, false hopes & promises, or pity. We want you to ask how she’s doing. We want you to ask how we are doing. We’d love to hear your specific ideas on how you’d like to help us manage three kids at the start of the school year when Zoe may very well still be in the hospital. We want you to know that we are letting our boys get to know and love their little sister before they get to know about her Ds diagnosis and potential life challenges. We want you to know that you don’t need to be afraid to ask us questions. And, we want you to know that as we adjust to our new normal – with good days and bad days, just like everyone else – your patience, kindness, faith, friendship and love is really what we need now.
Until next time…your positive thoughts and prayers are more than welcome.
If you’d like more information on Down syndrome or Zoe’s heart conditions, here are some good websites to start with:
NDSS (National Down Syndrome Society)
Stone Soup “What to say” (A helpful blog post)
http://www.mottchildren.org/
http://www.mottchildren.org/
NDSS (National Down Syndrome Society)
Stone Soup “What to say” (A helpful blog post)
http://www.mottchildren.org/
http://www.mottchildren.org/
