somebody is missing

Throughout our adoption journey so far, one of my biggest concerns has been for how having an adopted sibling will affect Drew. It’s been a little hard for me to dissect how much of my concern can be contributed to the “normal” worries that go along with adding another child to a family (he’s been an only child for so long used to all our attention, what if they have nothing in common and don’t get along, the costs associated with another child could limit the things we can do with and provide Drew, etc.) as opposed to the added responsibilities Drew will have being a big brother to an adopted sibling (the stares and comments our family will encounter – whether based on curiosity or racism, the added pressure he will feel to protect his brother or sister when Damon and I aren’t around, the lack of understanding and support he might have for us exploring and incorporating some Korean culture into our family, etc.). This is not to say that I do not understand all the positives. I do. I really do. That’s why we are adopting.

I have been trying to prepare myself in order to help prepare Drew – both now at the age of three and for all the years to come. There isn’t much information out there. There is limited research, articles, and books out there about that discuss the impacts of raising both a biological and adopted child. And there definitely are very few children’s books aimed at the “family-with-a-biological-child-adopting-internationally” demographic. In some ways this lack of information makes me more nervous…I just want to know what we are getting ourselves into and some reassurance that everything will be OK. But, in other ways, it just might be better not having any preconceived ideas or expectations.

I am slowly beginning to realize that I really am not really in control of how Drew will react, adapt, accept, or thrive once K2 becomes a permanent part of the Krekelberg family – just like we (any of us) aren’t really in control of how we grow a family. Lately, I have been seeing and embracing some good doses of faith. And, surprise-surprise, it’s been Drew doing a lot of the showing. I am really starting to think and believe that Drew is getting an awesome little “sibling via adoption” prep-course from the big guy upstairs. I honestly believe God made Drew’s wonderful personality, temperament and abilities knowing exactly who his little sibling was going to be. And, I think He continues to guide Drew each and everyday preparing him to be the best big brother to our K2. The things he’s been doing and saying lately about what’s going on seem way beyond the simple innocence of a three year old. My faith is definitely growing. God has this under control. Drew and K2 are going to be just fine.

Drew that has been telling us for well over a year that “someone is missing” from our family hugs. Drew has told us that God is making his baby brother or baby sister. Drew knows that his baby brother or sister is inside someone else’s belly in Korea (even asks to see where Korea is on a map). Drew has told me – out of the blue in a restaurant bathroom – “I’m going to yell at the person who has my baby brother or sister in their belly”…I asked why…he said, “so she knows that it’s our baby brother or sister!”. [while I explained to him that we don’t want to yell at that woman because she loves his baby brother or sister very much too, I also have to admit how proud I was of him that day already sticking-up for and protecting his brother or sister (and how proud I was of myself on how I handled the situation)] Drew continues to let us know where K2 will sit at the table, in the car, and how he will help K2 (for instance, by lifting him up – demonstrating with a stuffed teddy bear – to see the pictures in the picture frames in the family room).

So…someone is missing…but not for long…and we already know right where K2 fits in our family hugs - thanks to Drew showing us.

Until next time…grab an extra family hug tonight and keep faith!